All your responses have been immensely helpful. I am leaning towards what monster thinks: I have to respect her wishes, let her choose her path, which is what I told her yesterday. But I would be remiss if I didn't urge her one more time to at least see a doctor.
Maybe this was a next step in confronting it, and she can now tell more people, it being more "real" but I will also urge her to talk to her kids.
Another friend has some stuff going on RFN, but the reality is he brought the drama on himself, and I can't put aside what I am feeling for K, who didn't ask for any of it. Yet my heart is being pulled in all kinds of directions today.
Thanks again, everyone.