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God what a fucking nightmare for all concerned. I feel for the parents, I really do. But attempting to silence his classmates, and prevent them from posting the boy's pic on their own facebook pages is not good. Fine for them to ask kids not to contact them or post to the family's facebook pages, but that's as far as they should go really.
If they find it upsetting that people on Facebook are discussing the matter then they really need to not visit Facebook right now. The boy's classmates are trying to find a way to understand, rationalise and express their feelings. This kind of impromptu symbolism is important. If lots of the kids are putting the boy's pic up as their profile on Facebook then it has become a group expression. This is clearly how they are dealing with the news.
The family have a right to grieve in whatever way they do. But the children with whom their son played and lived a large portion of his day to day life also have a right to choose how they grieve and how they cope with a potentially quite overwhelming life lesson.
As to keeping the suicide a secret. Again, I understand their desire not to have that out there. But if it is already out there, then they are shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. All they are able to do now is clamp down on the aftermath. In doing so they are preventing youngsters from being able to access good, honest and therefore useful grief counselling.
How on earth is the counsellor supposed to help these children come to terms with their schoolmate's death if they have to put a veil over half the relevant information?
Personally, I think the school should have refused to agree to that condition. The counsellor should have refused. It is not appropriate to make such a central factor a no-go topic, when that is one of the main issues the children need to understand.
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