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LOL, excellent point Pie. I think the greatest struggle from that example is to find a way to depict calculate the delta between two paths in true payout. It's easy to get caught up in the emotion of the choices and to let that cloud your vision.
And UT... I'm glad you continued posting your story. I've been sitting here today trying to figure out why my relationship which started so strong could end so... flat. And your story adds credence to what I think happened with my relationship.
It goes back to the old withdrawals vs. deposits comparison. In a relationship you honestly want to give love, you want to do anything for the other person to make them happy. And at the same time you honestly never want or expect anything in return. The good news is that if both people feel that way then it's a constant growing love.
But it's not as simple as, "make more emotional deposits than withdrawals".
You should want to only do good things for your partner. That means a constant flow of positive emotional deposits. However if all you ever do is give-give-give, you'll become drained over time. You don't expect the other person to do caring things for you, but it is those very things that keep your emotional-bank-account full, and let you keep making deposits to the other person. (I think this is what happened to your marriage UT)
But what happened with mine is that my girl-to-be understood everything I did for her, and she loved those actions. After enough time w/o out her making a deposit to me, she felt that she "owed me", and she'd try to make one big emotional deposit to make up for all little ones I never received. But think about when you watch a comedy, if the movie is really bad, it doesn't matter if they have one joke that is the funniest thing you've ever heard, you'll still walk about with a bad impression. You'd rather have a comedy that kept you chuckling the whole way through.
What confused me for so long is that I thought my girl did care about me. It sure seemed like it. And early on I did care about her so much, I did everything I could to satisfy her every need. But she never tried to do those things in return. She fell in love with the way I made her feel, with the things I did for her. If she really would have loved me then she would have done those small, day-to-day emotional deposits... instead of choosing to ignore the things she new I liked/wanted because it would have taken effort on her part.
Ah well. I guess the whole point of this has been I've learned:
1) Don't listen if someone says they love you. Watch their actions.
2) The occassional BIG action intended for a big emotional deposit doesn't mean they love you. It could mean they're trying to make up for a deficit they've been running. (Judge this one carefully)
3) The small day-to-day actions/deposits are the best proof of love and the best way to build upon that love. (And the lack of them are the best way to drain love).
4) Be aware of a difference in deposits. If one partner is giving more than the other then that is a problem. One which must be resolved or else it will leave one partner emotionally drained to the point where the relationship is forfeit.
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