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My divorce situation really informs me on this. To reduce it to numerics and compress time:
B: I want to love you and believe that you answer my needs. I rate you 85.
A: I love you very much. I rate you 90.
B: That makes me more comfortable in the relationship, so I can admit you're not an 85. You're a 75.
A: Even though that's painful, I still rate you 90.
B: Good. Now since you're a 75, let's focus on changing that other 25%.
A: But my 90 love for you means I ignore the other 10%.
B: So you're not going to change the 25%?
A: No, I insist that the 25% is a critical and important part of my personality. If you want me to change so much, am I really a 75?
B: Look, that 25% is really terrible to me.
A: But what about the 75?
B: I'm a diagnosed obsessive-compulsive and can only think of the 25%. It's almost unbearable. OK, I found a guy that had that 25% but none of the other 75%. Bye!
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