My brother is working on a book, actually. He works for
ThePittsburghChannel.com, the website fo ABC's affiliate in Pittsburgh. For the past few years, he's been saving all the e-mails from yunzers technically proficient to send them with plans on publishing them. It will be good.
But, you want good stories? The best stories come from my first job, working at a Pizza Outlet (or as the people we delivered to referred to it, the "Pizzer Ortlet"). Remember the Confederate platoon that marched north, captured a few towns around Pittsburgh? One of those towns was the center of our delivery area, and it was my job to work the phones and take orders.
Story #1:
Mike: *picks up phone* "Hello, thank you for calling Pizza Outlet, my name is Mike, how can I help you?"
Cust #1: "Yeah, do yunz deliver lasagna?"
Me: (after a split-second pause) "No, no we don't sir."
Cust #1: "Oh. Alright then."
Customer hangs up, I tell of what happened, all have good laugh, phone rings again.
Me: *repeats greeting spiel*
Cust #2: "Yeah, mah husband jes called 'ere, and said you don't deliver lasagna!"
Me: "That's right, we don't."
Cust #2: "WHY DON'T YOU DELIVER LASAGNA?!?!?!"
Me: "Because we don't make it." (this is in the most inflectionless voice EVER. I mean super-deadpan)
Cust #2: "Oh...okay." *hangs up*
Story #2
Me: *intro spiel*
Cust: "Hi, can I get a pepperoni pizza, with half pepperoni?"
Me: "Wait. You want a pizza with all pepperoni, or half pepperoni?"
Cust: "No, I want a regular pepperoni pizza, but with half the pepperoni on the side."
Me: "...on the side?"
Cust: "Yeah, like maybe in a little cup?"
Apparently, it's store policy to kowtow to insane special orders, because the manager approved it. But, I got these all the time. Give me some time, I'll remember them all.
~mike