Griff, that is sheer inspiration.
From December 2000 to June of this year, I worked for CVS (a large drugstore chain). I worked at 4 different stores, the last one being at 2nd and Lombard in Society Hill. (Non-Philadelphians: Picture an older neighborhood with historic homes, narrow streets, and specialty shops...and yuppies. Also, the store is off South St., home to lots of bars and eclectic shops.)
We closed at 9pm each night...it's about 10 after 9 and I'm pulling our gate down (one of those security type gates that you see at mall stores before they open). As I'm walking back into the store (I'm in the vestibule of the store at this point), this guy comes up to the door and starts banging on it.
Person: "Sir, you gotta let me in!"
Syc: "Sir, we closed 10 minutes ago."
Person: "I know, but I need to buy a pacifier for kid...he's crying, and..."
Syc: "Sir, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to ring you up. I have no register available."
Person: "I'll pay you cash. I'll give you $10!" (A pacifier is only about $3 or $4.)
Syc: "Sir, I'm sorry...we're closed."
Person: *Beats on door really hard* "Thanks a lot you fucking son of a bitch!" *customer walks away*
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While living in Washington, DC, I worked for a direct marketing company that sold diploma frames and bed linens to college students. In February 2000, we had a nasty snowstorm that dumped about a foot of snow on the area. At the time, our warehouse was in Columbia, MD (between Washington and Baltimore), and so it was shutdown for 2 days. Two days later, a customer calls. Apparently, the customer had already called, had been waiting for delivery of her frame, and had accidentally been disconnected:
Customer: *sarcastic* "Yeah, some guy named Saul (the rep's name was actually Sal) fed me some cockamimie story about how your shipments were delayed because of some snowstorm!"
Syc: "Yes ma'am, unfortunately, we got about 12 inches of snow in the Washington, DC area, and it shut our warehouse near Baltimore down for 2 days."
Customer: *caught off guard* "Oh..."
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This just happened Tuesday. A customer had filed a claim with us in August, but apparently gave us the wrong mobile # for the claim. This wound up turning another one of the customer's phones off. Apparently, the customer got the problem straightened out with their carrier, but we never heard about it. So, they filed a claim with us this week, and it was for the mobile # that was originally (and incorrectly) claimed. Bottom line: It looked like the customer was trying to claim their phone for a second time, which of course, doesn't fly. It resulted in an automatic denial.
Customer: *furious* "Look, you guys screwed up the first time. (Insert carrier name here) screwed this up and it took me forever to straighten it out!" (Sometimes, the customers think that we are their carrier, which of course, is not the case. In addition, the customer is the one that gives us the mobile #. That's how we look up their insurance information. Bottom line, he's trying to find someone to blame.)
Syc: *trying to be as polite as possible, b/c of what I'm about to say* "Sir, I'm not sure whether we or (insert carrier name here) made the error, but it is quite possible that you may have given us the wrong mobile # on the first claim."
Customer: *even more mad* "WHAT?!"
Syc: "Well sir, we ask for the mobile # of the phone a person is claiming, which we can only get from the customer."
Customer: *begins a vicious tirade*
Syc: *thinking to himself* "Okay, maybe that wasn't such a great idea." (The only reason I suggested this was b/c, well, quite frankly, he was trying to pin blame on us and his carrier unfairly. No way I was going to let him do either, to get us and the carrier mad at each other.)
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Fun rationale I used during this past week, with any irate customer that did it (and there were several):
Customer: "Let me speak to YOUR boss!"
Syc: *handling these situations as I normally do* "I'm sorry sir/ma'am, there is no other supervisor available for this situation."
Customer: "Well, you HAVE to have a boss!"
Syc: "I do...and unfortunately, he will not be in the office again until the 26th." (My boss was on vacation this past week.)
Customer would then either let it go, or hang up.
What I should have said is, "Look, I am not going to waste my boss's time with your whiny-baby bullshit. I AM a supervisor, you fucking tool! The rep told you what the status was,
I told what the status was, my boss is going to tell you the same damned thing. Now shut the fuck up and deal!"
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A customer, upon getting a claim delayed or denied (and I just LOVE this one): "Look, I'm a preferred customer of (insert carrier name here). I spend (insert amount) dollars on this phone every month. I am currently losing (insert amount) dollars a day without my phone! I cannot go (insert numerical range here, depending on the situation) days without my phone!"
Syc: "Sir, that may very well be the case, but unfortunately, there are rules and regulations that we must adhere to, and are bound to by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. We don't play favorites with any customer. Everyone is treated the same." (Which, amazingly, is the truth.)
What I should have said: "Look asshole, if you make so much money, then you might as well just go out and buy a new phone, rather than pay $35 for a refurbished phone."
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I think this could be my calling...or that spark that finally gets me into the door of the writing world...heh.