UGH I meant to write NOW not know...
Normally I would agree with you CF but since the shower is being thrown by someone other than the DIL herself and this person lives in another state, it really is not my "niece in law's" problem and I don't want to make it her problem. There was only an email for contact.
I have told my older sister about the situation but she is not the one throwing the shower. I am thinking of buying a gift, and sending it on with my sister. I hate family weirdness.
ETA: My name was not correct on my invite but at least they got my first name right.