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Originally Posted by Juniper
... the last two years I've been in college, ... That was great because it got me up and moving and provided feedback and quantification of my efforts, social interaction and a reason to get up in the morning. ...I felt pretty damn good about myself. ...
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Worth $1,700 per class? - sounds like it to me!
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...The M.A. sort of feels like something I'm only doing for my own satisfaction ...
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Surely part of getting a life is finding things to do for your own satisfaction? I fear you feel you're not worth spending that amount on because of your depression.
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... In my dreams I'm playing in a band . . . okay that will never happen, ....
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Why not? I assume you play an instrument? Find others (perhaps back at college
) who play the same type of music, find a rehearsal space, arrange to get together on a regular basis. It doesn't have to be in front of a crowd for it to be fun. Who knows where it may lead?
Juniper, if you need to be around people, then maybe writing is not the ideal career for you? If it were not your career, maybe you could use it for emotional satisfaction or personal self-discovery?
If you like that you've made a home for your family does it matter than it's not the life you expected? If you are now restless about that, maybe it is time to your family to learn a little independence, and you to try other things, such as you're thinking about?
Are you getting treatment for the depression?
Sorry these are more questions than answers.