Once, in middle school, a kid named Kenny kept getting in my face asking if I wanted to fight. I usually just gave him a weird look and walked away, but on this particular day we were at recess on top of this fairly large hill and he was being particularly annoying, so I shoved him and he fell down the hill. He wasn't injured, but I still got suspended.
Then there was a kid that kept twisting my nipples. I told him the next time he twisted them I'd punch him in the face. So, of course, I ended up punching him in the face. He ended up getting more suspension time than me because I told the administration he was sexually harassing me. Kind of a stretch but whatevs...
those are my only two fights!