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oh man. I'm so sorry. But like the others, I can't believe it can't be fixed. You're way stronger than you are currently giving yourself credit for, but that's not too surprising at this point in the journey. Congrats on admitting to the beer. Definitely the key here for you seems to be to fix the sneaking/avoiding the truth first. You can't fix everything at once, pick your battles and that one seems like it's first in line.
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The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity Amelia Earhart
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