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Alcohol ingested by adults and passed to developing kids is toxic. When the defects caused by alcohol were first studied, in the 80s I think, the thought was that malnutrition was the cause. But further study demonstrated the toxicity of alcohol. What's not know is if there is a safe level or even beneficial level- so, true, abstinence is recommended.
Current studies I just googled are looking at light and moderate consumption, in human populations and also using primates and rats, to try and impose more environmental controls. So far the few Ive seen say that it appears even light (the rat), and moderate (the primate) consumption raises the occurance of the studied birth defects.
There was also a genomic study that isolated a gene relationship to the effects, with various levels of alcohol. So maybe if you got a good genetic report card you could drink up? I dunno.
With the risks we know right now, the responsible act is to put the glass down.
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