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AlwaysAmazed · 11-20-2003, 08:03 PM

the environment a couple creates for their children is a complicated mixture, and it's not as simple as 'x will mess up a child, and y will create a happy healthy child'. the strength of the union between the parents has a HUGE effect on the children's sense of safety and security at home. honestly, a straight couple who have issues between them like drinking/drug abuse, domestic violence, crime, don't-give-a-s#it-ness, etc. will probably 'mess up' their children way more than anything about the concept of having two fathers or two mothers. and frankly, the discrimination and legal hurdles that a gay couple have to navigate to raise their children seem more likely than pure 'gayness' to give the children problems as they grow up. particularly the custody battles, in which the law does not recognize one parent as a parent, because the couple was never 'married' in the eyes of the state... that sort of emotional roller coaster scars children, not the fact that their parents are gay. in some ways it IS a different life for a child. but growing up biracial is also a different life for a child. growing up in a city is a different life for a child than growing up on a cattle ranch. ALL lives are different from one another, and the religious right doesn't claim that raising a child in a city will cause emotional scars, whereas raising him/her on a farm will not. this fear of 'psychological effects' from a same-sex couple raising children IS a social construction. period. i know it feels weird to think about it; i'll admit it feels a little weird to me too. but we can change that if we make the effort. we're just used to a family being a mother, a father, and kids, because that's wha tmost of us grew up with. it's the first thing we ever knew as children, it feels normal, so the alternative feels questionable and strange. but remember the days (still not entirely past, depending on who you ask) when a biracial marriage was considered a sure way to mess up any children involved. most peopel today can see that the race of the parents is not directly related to the happiness of the children, because there are other factors that are way more important.

wow. a novel. thank you to anyone who actually read that through...
bottom line: let them have kids. in fifty years it'll be old news,a nd we'll wonder why we felt weird about it.

i hope!

~always amazed

11-20-2003, 08:03 PM	#1
AlwaysAmazed Non-Newbie Sort Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: A bit south o'san francisco Posts: 6	gay couples rasing kids the environment a couple creates for their children is a complicated mixture, and it's not as simple as 'x will mess up a child, and y will create a happy healthy child'. the strength of the union between the parents has a HUGE effect on the children's sense of safety and security at home. honestly, a straight couple who have issues between them like drinking/drug abuse, domestic violence, crime, don't-give-a-s#it-ness, etc. will probably 'mess up' their children way more than anything about the concept of having two fathers or two mothers. and frankly, the discrimination and legal hurdles that a gay couple have to navigate to raise their children seem more likely than pure 'gayness' to give the children problems as they grow up. particularly the custody battles, in which the law does not recognize one parent as a parent, because the couple was never 'married' in the eyes of the state... that sort of emotional roller coaster scars children, not the fact that their parents are gay. in some ways it IS a different life for a child. but growing up biracial is also a different life for a child. growing up in a city is a different life for a child than growing up on a cattle ranch. ALL lives are different from one another, and the religious right doesn't claim that raising a child in a city will cause emotional scars, whereas raising him/her on a farm will not. this fear of 'psychological effects' from a same-sex couple raising children IS a social construction. period. i know it feels weird to think about it; i'll admit it feels a little weird to me too. but we can change that if we make the effort. we're just used to a family being a mother, a father, and kids, because that's wha tmost of us grew up with. it's the first thing we ever knew as children, it feels normal, so the alternative feels questionable and strange. but remember the days (still not entirely past, depending on who you ask) when a biracial marriage was considered a sure way to mess up any children involved. most peopel today can see that the race of the parents is not directly related to the happiness of the children, because there are other factors that are way more important. wow. a novel. thank you to anyone who actually read that through... bottom line: let them have kids. in fifty years it'll be old news,a nd we'll wonder why we felt weird about it. i hope! ~always amazed __________________ Peace, Love, and duct tape.