[Sundae]

Tora, just be aware that these things can pass in fits and starts.
You might find yourself back down there again for a short space of time.
IF that happens - and of course I hope it doesn't - try to remember that you came out of it before and you will again.

If you have someone you can trust IRL, do tell them exactly how you feel. If not, we're here. When you're depressed or even just down, it helps to have someone who is able to monitor you objectively.

When I have bad days - or nights - it can feel like it has always been this way and that it will never get any better. Luckily I have my CPN every two weeks to remind me how far I've come. Even without a healthcare professional, I have the Cellar, where people remind me that things have improved enormously.

I know how it feels to feel like it's not worth it, and that the world is ending. And how it feels to wish it was so that you wouldn't be the only one. But as you have found this time, it does get better.

I'm not sure about the pet advice. It's true I was able to look after my cats when I couldn't even look after myself, but the conditions we were living in would have lead to them being taken away from me if someone had called the RSPCA. I doubt you're down that far, I'm responding more to the idea than the specific advice to you. Oh I dunno, I think I still feel so much guilt from that time that it's still difficult to articulate. I often dream I'm back there.

Anyway - end on a positive note. Posting in the Cellar about things you are going through is a positive sign. It's not complaining, it's not looking for sympathy. It might not quite be catharsis, but it is acknowledging a situation.

I really wish the very best for you - keep going.