Quote:
Originally Posted by capnhowdy
Question: At what age did you become sexually active?
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It depends on your definition. Like I said I was far from precocious physically, but I can remember masturbating alone at four or five and playing doctors with girls from then until I was sent to boarding school around age ten. My family was tolerant of this kind of play, but I got in trouble at school around this time for fooling around with some older boys. I was a very bright kid, but also kind of naughty. I think I was quite a 'sexual' and sensual child, but not pathologically so.
I was still fairly naive at twelve or thirteen. I didn't have an orgasm or start growing pubic hair until a year or two after that. So I was completely prepubescent, but I was also very curious about sex and did all I could to find out more. Becos I was at boarding school I had no contact with girls, but I did have consensual sexual experiences with much older, physically mature boys. Our activities were discovered and prompted a violent, abusive, homophobic reaction from adult authorities. This had a serious impact on the rest of my schooling. Given the difference in age and maturity, I would likely be cast in the role of victim today, but back then I was seen as the instigator, a seductive little puck, and I was called filthy and disgusting.
At high school (a different all male boarding school) I wasn't remotely attracted to my male peers and girls my age seemed matronly rather than sexy. I fantasized about little girls and had a very active sex life with Rosie Palm and her five lovely daughters. I had adult girlfriends after I left school and lost my virginity around age 20. I've had long term adult relationships, and fallen in love with two or three different women. I'd have another adult relationship now if the opportunity presented itself. I like women and I get along very well with them.
I don't know if my overt sexual development in those years is really much different to a lot of other boys. My attraction to kids has manifested itself in more subtle ways. I enjoyed being around younger kids, especially little girls, when I was a preteen and I fantasized about them right thru my teens. As an adult I've fallen in love with two or three little girls, and these remain very significant experiences in my life. I'm kind of 'attuned' to children in a way I'm not to women. A picture of an 18 year old girl in a bikini is barely interesting to me, but a picture of an 8 year old girl in a bikini is appealing and fascinating.
It's hard to explain. Putting it in these terms overemphasizes the sexual element, but it would also be a distortion to deny that element. Because I'm trying to describe my sexuality here, I'm necessarily dwelling on it, which probably seems exhibitionistic, and 'creepy' as Cloud suggested. If she were describing her sexual fantasies, that might seem creepy too.
I love kids. I love the way they smell and the sound of their voices. I love the way their minds work and the things they say. I love the way they move and the way they look. Clearly I feel a little soppy and romantic about them at times, but I'm also quite capable of being a realistic and responsible caregiver. Like I say, it's not all about sex, but my sexual development has been subtly biased by that interest in kids right thru my pre-adult and adult life.
When or how I became 'sexually active' hasn't really been remarkable or particularly relevant to that, I don't think...