[OnyxCougar]

OK, how about this rewrite of the first graf:

She stumbled through the mounds of bodies, her mind numb. Screams of the injured mingled with the wails of those who had searched throughout the long night, to find only grief and dispair. Her hair was matted and tangled, the once young, innocent face now smudged and care worn. Her bloodied gown, tattered at the hem, barely covered her thin frame. Bits of armor were fastened upon her, mismatched and worn. She had taken a shield from one of the dead in the early morning, and held it before her. Her feet were bare, and she limped through the battlefield, only dimly aware of the trail she left in her wake, marking the passage of her footsteps.

She trudged her way through the mist. It hung heavy and low over the valley, like a gray shroud, covering everything with cold, clammy driblets of sweat. She wiped her forehead, leaving another streak of some unnamable substance across her face.