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Personally, can't figure out where this stuff got so complicated. When I'm with a lady, there doesn't seem to be a lot of rules outside of keeping an ear out in case the word "No" ever comes up.
But BDSM with it's tops and bottoms and doms and subs and this thing about givers and receivers and pleasers and takers and holy freaking cow, isn't this already complicated enough?
Y'know, maybe I'm horribly naive, but it seems to me (your mileage may vary) that good times are good times. Nice, heavy-breathing, passionate, f@#! what anyone else thinks times. This culture of acting to roles sounds like one borne of boredom.
So out on a pretty tenuous limb here, but I'm just going to say that the BDSM culture is bred on people that aren't feeling that f#!@-all passion, can't throw away their labels and just screw like there's no tomorrow because that other person is that moment's center of their universe, etc.
As for mutual "givers", c'mon, just be honest and say "Look, I can't get off without you..." Find a balance, work out a system, know that you can be totally boney for each other and just have fun and stop looking for problems.
-dis
(and maybe someday I can find this as easy as I try to talk it up)
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