The Cellar - View Single Post - Please excuse my emotional distance this week

Undertoad · 10-11-2003, 10:06 AM

I'm a tech guy and an Internet guy, jack of all trades sort. I have a small business doing web development and programming. It's all out of my home. It used to be bigger but collapsed in the bubble burst. (Many of the ashes of the business are still visible at catalystinternet.com. I plan to redo that site though, to reflect an individual and not a team.) I make enough money to make half a living at it, and I've kinda been in "maintenance mode", but now must gear up.

(Either that or get a "real job", or contracting work through an agency... possibly...)

!No kids!

The truth of it is that we have been in a mostly loveless marriage our whole time together, and have been working hard make it work all along, and she has come to the thinking that it won't ever work.

For a long time she felt that she needed the security of me and the life that we built together. Then she went to therapy, and went on medications, and started to solve her personality problems of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and whatnot. In the last two months, it seems, she has become a whole new person, suddenly spontaneous and carefree. I think she figured out that she was leaving on Labor Day, and resolved made the changes in herself that she needed to make.

Three weeks ago she went on a dude ranch vacation by herself and met some other independent people who have made lives without men around (well they're lesbians). This gave her some confidence. And also, she met another guy, who took an immediate liking to her. In this she was able to see how other people make it on their own, and to prove her own desireability to herself by, you know, sleeping with the guy and becoming instantly and immediately infatuated with him in a way she never did with me. They still talk every night on the phone. She doesn't know if it'll last but she's having fun. OK.

She has committed to an apartment on 11/1 and will be moving out that day, taking with her the least number of items she needs to build a new life from scratch.

Number of apartments she looked at before deciding: 1. I don't recognize this person, who used to be the most cautious individual ever built. Every decision used to be met with long lists of pros and cons and agonizing. Suddenly even the big decisions are immediate and carefree.

10-11-2003, 10:06 AM	#98
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	I'm a tech guy and an Internet guy, jack of all trades sort. I have a small business doing web development and programming. It's all out of my home. It used to be bigger but collapsed in the bubble burst. (Many of the ashes of the business are still visible at catalystinternet.com. I plan to redo that site though, to reflect an individual and not a team.) I make enough money to make half a living at it, and I've kinda been in "maintenance mode", but now must gear up. (Either that or get a "real job", or contracting work through an agency... possibly...) !No kids! The truth of it is that we have been in a mostly loveless marriage our whole time together, and have been working hard make it work all along, and she has come to the thinking that it won't ever work. For a long time she felt that she needed the security of me and the life that we built together. Then she went to therapy, and went on medications, and started to solve her personality problems of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and whatnot. In the last two months, it seems, she has become a whole new person, suddenly spontaneous and carefree. I think she figured out that she was leaving on Labor Day, and resolved made the changes in herself that she needed to make. Three weeks ago she went on a dude ranch vacation by herself and met some other independent people who have made lives without men around (well they're lesbians). This gave her some confidence. And also, she met another guy, who took an immediate liking to her. In this she was able to see how other people make it on their own, and to prove her own desireability to herself by, you know, sleeping with the guy and becoming instantly and immediately infatuated with him in a way she never did with me. They still talk every night on the phone. She doesn't know if it'll last but she's having fun. OK. She has committed to an apartment on 11/1 and will be moving out that day, taking with her the least number of items she needs to build a new life from scratch. Number of apartments she looked at before deciding: 1. I don't recognize this person, who used to be the most cautious individual ever built. Every decision used to be met with long lists of pros and cons and agonizing. Suddenly even the big decisions are immediate and carefree.