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Sundae · 06-19-2009, 03:39 PM

Today is going so slowly.
And more to come tomorrow I fear.

I don't know, I'm just really out of sorts.
I've tried to pin down why, exactly, but I think it's just today's mood.

I feel life is pointless and I have nothing especially to live for.
Not suicidal as such, just buried under terrible ennui and with no appetite for the future.

I honestly cannot think of anything I can do tomorrow, except go for a walk, and I feel my brain has been wrung out of any interesting walking possibilities already this week - I've been out for an hour most days. I can't even just shrug it off and sit in the garden as it's going to be showery all morning. And I went to the library as today's outing, so that's already ticked off the list.

BIG sigh.

Sunday is Father's Day, and we are going out for a Spanish meal at 13.00.
I am looking forward to it, but it's one of those awful occasions where as it gets closer, any genuine enthusiasm feels more like dread. All I really want to do is sleep, but that never comes these days.

On Monday I'll at least have some money, although all of it is earmarked for bills and catfood/ litter. But at least it will be a change, some reason for being in town. And I weigh-in of course, which gives me something else to do.

Tuesday I'm at Oasis for most of the day (okay, three hours in real terms) - counselling then acupuncture then group. Even if I don't quite feel A's enthusiasm for it, "It'll be a great day!" No, a great day would be a trip to Alton Towers, not 3 hours at Oasis... but I bowed to her enthusiasm, she's a positive influence. And then I'm off to the doctors, so it's a hair-raising schedule.

Wednesday, Mum & Dad leave for 2 weeks housesitting. Which I am both looking forward to and dreading. This might even be the reason for my current mood. I'll have a new prescription of Trazadone, so at least I can double that up and sleep for a week. But what will I do on my own? Will I be able to stick to a schedule? Will I drink?

And a week after that is my birthday. I'll be as much on my own as every previous year. All the disadvantages of living with parents without the one clear advantage of waking up on your birthday and someone else knowing about it. Never mind - I'm going to meet them for lunch, so that's better than most. I know what I'm going to wear as well, which helps. But it pours down!

Maybe I'll shave my legs tomorrow.
Nothing like the high life, eh.

06-19-2009, 03:39 PM	#1360
Sundae polaroid of perfection Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: West Yorkshire Posts: 24,185	Today is going so slowly. And more to come tomorrow I fear. I don't know, I'm just really out of sorts. I've tried to pin down why, exactly, but I think it's just today's mood. I feel life is pointless and I have nothing especially to live for. Not suicidal as such, just buried under terrible ennui and with no appetite for the future. I honestly cannot think of anything I can do tomorrow, except go for a walk, and I feel my brain has been wrung out of any interesting walking possibilities already this week - I've been out for an hour most days. I can't even just shrug it off and sit in the garden as it's going to be showery all morning. And I went to the library as today's outing, so that's already ticked off the list. BIG sigh. Sunday is Father's Day, and we are going out for a Spanish meal at 13.00. I am looking forward to it, but it's one of those awful occasions where as it gets closer, any genuine enthusiasm feels more like dread. All I really want to do is sleep, but that never comes these days. On Monday I'll at least have some money, although all of it is earmarked for bills and catfood/ litter. But at least it will be a change, some reason for being in town. And I weigh-in of course, which gives me something else to do. Tuesday I'm at Oasis for most of the day (okay, three hours in real terms) - counselling then acupuncture then group. Even if I don't quite feel A's enthusiasm for it, "It'll be a great day!" No, a great day would be a trip to Alton Towers, not 3 hours at Oasis... but I bowed to her enthusiasm, she's a positive influence. And then I'm off to the doctors, so it's a hair-raising schedule. Wednesday, Mum & Dad leave for 2 weeks housesitting. Which I am both looking forward to and dreading. This might even be the reason for my current mood. I'll have a new prescription of Trazadone, so at least I can double that up and sleep for a week. But what will I do on my own? Will I be able to stick to a schedule? Will I drink? And a week after that is my birthday. I'll be as much on my own as every previous year. All the disadvantages of living with parents without the one clear advantage of waking up on your birthday and someone else knowing about it. Never mind - I'm going to meet them for lunch, so that's better than most. I know what I'm going to wear as well, which helps. But it pours down! Maybe I'll shave my legs tomorrow. Nothing like the high life, eh.