Quote:
Originally posted by Whit
You know, this is an interesting point because, I think, a lot of us have been there.
We work so hard to make someone's life better, only to be left and then see them drop significantly. My theory is that I was artificially bolstering the level that person felt most comfortable at. Making them a better person than they actually wished to be. This sounds strange I know, but remember not everyone wishes to better themselves.
Anyway, in my case I hold myself partially responsible. Clearly, I was transposing my own values on to someone else. Always a mistake. I say 'partially' because anytime I've done this I've been told the other person had the same values. So I made an honest mistake due to being to trusting. Still, it was my mistake to make. The results were foreseeable, my "help" is needed for a while, but eventually chafes. Then the breakup ensues.
I'm not suggesting that this is what happened with UT, 'cause frankly I don't know enough about the specifics to have an opinion. Just relating what's happened to me, and from the sound of it, a lot of us.
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This is what happend to me. I tried to take what I thought was a very simular human being with simular past relationship issues and build a very healthy relationship. BOY - was it not! I had someone that I was engaged to cheat on me and then leave me a note in my mailbox saying that he didn't want to get married. The other guy had a simular experience with his ex-fiance. Therefore - since both of us were very adamant about cheating and how it sucks to be on the other end of it - I knew I could trust this person. Until I found condoms & his socks and underware (that I bought him for christmas) in my roomate's bedroom after I had been out of town for a funeral.
So Toad - what that has to do with your situation - I have no idea. But the above hurt. It took months to get over it. Also - because I am a firm believer in Karma - I did nothing in retaliation. I didn't even have the big confruntation and screaming yelling match. I just moved. So - even to this day years later - I still get a pain just thinking about it. But - I know that I personally gave all I could to that relationship. I know how I acted and I can be proud of that. While my situation is different - you sound the same. Take pride in the fact that you cared so much and gave so much. Take pride in yourself. Yeah - it sucks - not gonna deny that. But little by little it does get easier. (Also - don't drink alone - unless watching Jerry Springer cause that makes your life look so much better.)
Huggles and snuggles to ya.