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From UT:
I always knew that if she found herself on solid ground, with self esteem and a belief in herself, that it might mean she'd decide I was expendable. But I still tried to help her reach that solid ground.
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You're a good man, UT. More so because you did this because you believed it was right, but didn't do you any good.
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So when I think about it that way, she is my greatest achievement
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You are also a wise man. Recognizing what we have done that is right, especially when we are in pain is one of the most difficult things for one to do.
You'll be okay. Life is life, it's not easy nor fair. Personnaly, I've always believed that what matters is living a life you can respect yourself for. Sounds like you are doing well by that standard, even if you do say you're confused.