The Cellar - View Single Post - Please excuse my emotional distance this week

Undertoad · 10-06-2003, 09:33 AM

Thanks B. I think that first tip will be invaluable to me. I hadn't thought about it in those terms. You are really onto something. The future could be anything; all I have to do is think that it will be better, and do what I have to do, and let it arrive.

She actually insists that I get the dogs. This is not for their benefit, but theirs; she knows they will live a better life with me than with her. She leaves at 8 and comes home at 9.

*sigh*

I always knew that if she found herself on solid ground, with self esteem and a belief in herself, that it might mean she'd decide I was expendable. But I still tried to help her reach that solid ground. If I wanted to control her, I would have subtlely undermined her, so that she would have come to rely on me more. (I've seen that happen in, well, MOST relationships...)

So when I think about it that way, she is my greatest achievement in life; I took a struggling, confused 22-year-old and helped her to grow into a brilliant, independent 37-year-old. (Along the way I took myself from a brilliant, independent 24-year-old to a struggling, confused 39-year-old.)

In return, she is basically giving me the house.

That is the bottom line of our lives together.

10-06-2003, 09:33 AM	#23
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Thanks B. I think that first tip will be invaluable to me. I hadn't thought about it in those terms. You are really onto something. The future could be anything; all I have to do is think that it will be better, and do what I have to do, and let it arrive. She actually insists that I get the dogs. This is not for their benefit, but theirs; she knows they will live a better life with me than with her. She leaves at 8 and comes home at 9. sigh I always knew that if she found herself on solid ground, with self esteem and a belief in herself, that it might mean she'd decide I was expendable. But I still tried to help her reach that solid ground. If I wanted to control her, I would have subtlely undermined her, so that she would have come to rely on me more. (I've seen that happen in, well, MOST relationships...) So when I think about it that way, she is my greatest achievement in life; I took a struggling, confused 22-year-old and helped her to grow into a brilliant, independent 37-year-old. (Along the way I took myself from a brilliant, independent 24-year-old to a struggling, confused 39-year-old.) In return, she is basically giving me the house. That is the bottom line of our lives together.