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My English teacher wanted to flunk me in Junior High
Thanks a lot, next semester I'll be 35
I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler
Stapled his nuts to a stack of papers
Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender, then stuck my dick in the tip cup
Extraterrestrial, running over pedestrians
In a space ship while they screaming at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS!"
Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to
I just found out my mom does more dope than I do
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper
Make a record about doing drugs and name it after her
You know you blew up when the women rush your stands
And try to touch your hands like some screaming Usher fans
This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph so
I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, ASSHOLE!'
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