[Sundae]

That's weird, Bri.
I scooted over this morning to bring you my dream from last night, only to find yours top of the New Posts.

I had a drinking dream too, but mine only ever feature me getting drunk and the bad effects. The psychiatrist says this is a Good Thing, but waking up feeling guilty, and mortified, and worthless does not figure in my head as a Good Thing.

Last night started at a party. An awards ceremony I think. I got really, really drunk, and slept through it. But beforehand I managed to cause some sort of kerfuffle, and the whole evening had to be abandoned halfway through because of it. Although I was only indirectly involved, I copped the blame from family and friends because I was drunk and shouldn't have been.

Then I was at my parents', talking to the leftover people from the party, which included Steve, my ex-HM. He was very drunk too, but I could tell he was angry I was drunk and spoiling for a fight. I decided to stop drinking (carefully stashing my tramp juice away so I could start again later) and go and look for a bed.

The dream changed, and my whole family were packing to go to America - we were emigrating. At some point it turned out that we were going for three months (this was from Katie & Peter: Stateside, which I watched just before bed). I did sleep, but when I woke up I realised I hadn't helped anyone at all, I'd got drunk when I wasn't allowed to and I should really be in the doghouse. So I slunk up to Mum, suitably hangdog and asked, "Am I still coming to America?" and she smiled and said yes, a shining moment in a self-flagellating dream.

For some reason I was left behing (deliberately) to follow on later. None of the lights seemed to work any more, and I couldn't work out whether it was 11.23 or 23.23 and felt so horribly lonley. They were going to Idaho, which I identified as being home to LabRat and close to Monster and Bruce. Ah well.

The dream then included the Cellar proper, as well as involving me in a very dark film/ story/ performance piece where I killed two fellow campers at a festival for their drugs. But along with this, I was reading the Cellar posts I'd written when I was drunk. I was trying to work out how I could admit my drunkeness without being castigated, but I knew I had to say something because the posts were all over the place. I'd written the names of people I don't really like, I'd included some real life details like my National Insurance number, I'd made extensive use of footnotes... They were obviously not me as nature intended!

Anyway, the relief is kicking in now. I am 3 weeks and two days sober. My family are not angry with me. I did not go to the Algarve and ruin my sister's relationship with her ex when I was in my 20s. And I have nothing to explain here.

Phew.