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Oy! Lay off with the self-destructive negativity:P
You're just feeling it today. You'll get days like that. You might even get weeks like that. Just because the jobs you might go for in the near future aren't likely to get you where you want to be, that doesn't mean you won't get there eventually.
Scale back for now. At some point you can take the next step and get into paid work. Then another and house share. From there you have more potential options than you are currently seeing.
One step at a time, babe.
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