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Each child is different, but universally I'd say... accept as much help as you can the first 2 weeks, but after that take the time to establish your own routine... both of you... the faster you can get your own groove the better and the less overwhelmed you'll all be. But, accept that the house doesn't have to be perfect, and dinner can sometimes come in a can... better to spend time with the little bit and not work yourself to death... the time will come when you can teach them to help you with the housework... until then just do what you can. My 2 year old cleans the coffee table, sorts the laundry and picks up her toys... well... some of the time...
Nap when they nap... you'll need it and wish you had snuggled them while they were little before you know it. Let your wife nap... trust me she needs it.
Breastfeed if you can... at least the first 6 months... at least. And don't be shy about it... that's what breasts are for and if anyone has an issue with it tell them what a pervert they are... and if it is recomended that you breastfeed in the bathroom... tell them to go eat in the bathroom and let them react to that. But understand you are in control of your own body and raising of your child and how long you choose to feed is your decision. I'm dealing with that one now... I'm happy to feed him till he is 2, so long as he is sleeping at night and eating real food, but that isn't happening at the moment. Don't do like I did and allow yourself to be a human pacifier... of course... that won't happen during the first 3 months... during that time they are pretty much still fetuses.
Get an Arms Reach co-sleeper for the first 3 months... expecially if you are breastfeeding... you won't have to get out of bed to nurse and you won't have to share your bed 100% of the time with a little bed hog... of course you'll have to decide for yourself when they get too big for the co-sleeper if you want to move them into their own bed or into your's... it is purely a personal choice and one you may find you flip flop on... I personally love my son in bed with me when he snuggles and sleeps and Papa is up late working or playing a gig... or up early going to work... you get the idea... but there is a certian stress I've found that comes with not being able to just sleep with your spouse alone when you want.
Insist that your spouse helps with changing and bathing.
AND soothing. And despite what anyone tells you trust your gut... if your child screams bloody murder constantly do not accept the colic answer... consider it could be Reflux which is horrible and DO get the medicine for it... you will be doing yourself and your child a HUGE disservice if you don't trust me.... and if you do encounter this problem... let me know and I'll give you all kinds of info that helped us. Be willing to change pedis if you don't feel what they are telling you is right or you don't feel like they are helping or hearing you...
Understand that the screaming can be overwhelming... especially if on person is left to hear it without relief all day and night... it makes you crazy and depressed. Make sure you take the time to sooth the cryier even if you feel you aren't helping ... make your wife go for a walk around the block or for a drive to the store or to take a hot bath and give her ears a rest. You may be saving a life just by doing this one thing. I'm joking, but only slightly
Read Happiest baby on the block... and Dunstan's book on baby language and learn to tell the difference in their cries.
Understand that if she is home all day without adult companionship she will need twice as much at night and twice as much encouragement to go out with friends... don't let her feel guilty for taking time for herself. Send her out to get a new hair cut, manicure, pedicure and buy a new outfit.
And take time for eachother. Let family and friends step in from time to time so you can go out on a date. Our daughter was a year and a half old before we did that and I wish we wouldn't have waited... both for her sake and ours.
Embrace burp cloths and keep several changes of clothes for each of you handy if you aren't comfortable with baby puke all over you.... put bibs on them even if it covers that cute as hell little outfit.
At the end of the day... no matter what great advice anyone has for you... you know what is and what isn't working... follow your heart and do what you belive is right and what you find works...
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