[Aliantha]

I've been thinking about this a lot over the last couple of weeks with regard to what responsibility a parent has to a child after it becomes an adult.

I tried to think back to when I first left school and got myself a full time job. I know that it was at that point that my parents stopped paying for things for me, although they did drop me to the train station etc because we were quite a way away from it. That was until I could get my car running, which my dad helped me with. During this time I had to pay board. Then I moved out of home, at which point my parents still continued to love me and care about what i was doing, but it was the final separation. They didn't approve of the choice I'd made, and it hurt them badly (there was a man involved) but they still supported me emotionally after the initial pain and hurt had settled on both sides.

When the relationship fell apart, I moved back to my mum's house and stayed there for a couple of years. My brother was still living there, and Mum was very glad I'd come home, but I was living there more as a housemate than a child. I paid my share of the bills and bought food etc and just generally lived there as a share house situation. I would not have dreamed of allowing my Mum to support me at that stage.

I moved out again after meeting the father of my two sons and lived with him for about 5 years. Had the kids and then the relationship turned to crap. I left him and lived somewhere else for a while and went into business with my Dad. We did that for a couple of years till I went back to Uni. By this time Mum was getting a bit frail. She'd already had one major cancer episode, and she asked if I'd move back and help her with the house and in return she'd help with the kids while I was studying.

At no time was she supporting me in any way other than emotionally. I was always quite conscious of keeping the finances completely separate and it worked out really well for us.

I would like to think that my kids would always know they could return to their home if they needed to, or if it seemed like the logical thing for all of us, but I'd also like to think that they'd have learned that I wouldn't appreciate freeloading. I've worked hard all my life to do the right thing by the people that love me and I've always shown my parents the respect they deserved. I hope that when my kids are older and they realise how I've struggled for them at times, they'll appreciate me enough to show me the same respect.

In the end, i think that's what it comes down to for me. Most parents will put up with just about anything from their kids, as long as the kids are respectful about what they expect and that they're honest about what's going on in their lives.

Of course there are some parents who don't fit this catagory and I guess that's pretty sad, but communication is the key.