The Cellar - View Single Post - Not owning up... and how to address the upset

SquidGirl · 11-26-2008, 11:16 PM

1) don't call, talk face to face
2) don't accuse, act naive
3) remember you did say she could use some of them
4) don't do it at a family holiday get-together if possible

I would say "wow, look at that beautiful quilt. You know, it reminds me of some of my patches! Did you get a chance to use some? I know I didn't get all of them back....but this really looks nice, good job!" If the quilt is hidden/put away you should say something like this, "last time I was here I got to sneak a peak at the quilt you were working on but didn't have a chance to talk to you about it. It's look really great, can I see it again? Since I've been planning my own quilt for ___ years, I'm excited to see what pattern you came up with!" You can ask advice on making a quilt...even if you don't give a shit. It will come off a lot nicer, not seem threatening and maybe it will get discussed in a non-hostile way.

Is there really a line between authorizing use of the quilt pieces before or after asking for them back? Was it ok'd with a stipulation? Maybe they were used because they were separated, intended for use before the rest were given back, so what's the difference between years ago or days ago? Just some questions. If there are still denials, lies, etc. Just consider it a lost cause and ask yourself if it's really worth it. I'm not saying it is or isn't but there is a lot that can happen in your relationship based on these items. I know they are really special to you so PLEASE approach it gently because if you do it will go a lot smoother and more positive for you! I seriously find it better to act "dumb" to manipulate the conversation rather than direct confrontation which provokes a deer-in-headlights response..

Good Luck!

11-26-2008, 11:16 PM	#52
SquidGirl Colloquialist Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Cavern in Mount Pleasant, MI Posts: 79	1) don't call, talk face to face 2) don't accuse, act naive 3) remember you did say she could use some of them 4) don't do it at a family holiday get-together if possible I would say "wow, look at that beautiful quilt. You know, it reminds me of some of my patches! Did you get a chance to use some? I know I didn't get all of them back....but this really looks nice, good job!" If the quilt is hidden/put away you should say something like this, "last time I was here I got to sneak a peak at the quilt you were working on but didn't have a chance to talk to you about it. It's look really great, can I see it again? Since I've been planning my own quilt for ___ years, I'm excited to see what pattern you came up with!" You can ask advice on making a quilt...even if you don't give a shit. It will come off a lot nicer, not seem threatening and maybe it will get discussed in a non-hostile way. Is there really a line between authorizing use of the quilt pieces before or after asking for them back? Was it ok'd with a stipulation? Maybe they were used because they were separated, intended for use before the rest were given back, so what's the difference between years ago or days ago? Just some questions. If there are still denials, lies, etc. Just consider it a lost cause and ask yourself if it's really worth it. I'm not saying it is or isn't but there is a lot that can happen in your relationship based on these items. I know they are really special to you so PLEASE approach it gently because if you do it will go a lot smoother and more positive for you! I seriously find it better to act "dumb" to manipulate the conversation rather than direct confrontation which provokes a deer-in-headlights response.. Good Luck!