[lookout123]

hmm. thanks for answering. this one really is a struggle for me because I know my way of seeing things doesn't line up very well with our current society's desire to go along and get along at all costs. my job is to help my kid learn skills that will serve him well throughout his life, not just the imaginary world i wish we lived in.

i got home, had dinner and watched him. he didn't seem nervous or afraid of some impending doom at all. afterwards we went to barnes and noble for some starbucks and reading as we often do. while there i asked him what happened at school and he told me the whole story with no deviation from the way i'd already heard it. he filled in a few of the things that the bully had done though, such as his repetitive use of the word "retard". I asked him about the kick and he told me with no hesitation that he meant to hit the kid in the stomach, not the face. i asked him why he would want to hit the kid. again with no delay he answered, "i warned him not to pick on _____. when he used words, i used words and talked to the teacher. then he knocked _____ down and hurt him and the teacher didn't do anything so i wanted him to know what it felt like when you can't stop someone from hurting you."

well there you go. I talked to him about it some more and in the end I just couldn't bring myself to reprimand him for something I don't think was wrong. We talked about the injury and I truly believe he didn't mean to hit the kid in the face, but he did show remorse for that and said he would apologize to the kid. I asked him if the same situation happened again would he respond in the same way and he said, "no, i'd aim better". OK, honest answer that I don't object to.

In the end I decided my rule number 2 still stands strong so I just reminded him that he needs to remember that there are consequences to his actions and sometimes doing what he feels is the right thing will cost him. He got lucky this time and I think he gets that.

At the end of the day I'm ok with my kid getting in scraps. I don't want him to embrace violence as a positive part of life but I don't want him to fear it either. I want him to use his brain to avoid the situation but if things get that far and he sees no other way, then he should do what needs to be done and take his lumps as they come.