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As I mentioned before I felt really good about our chances going into this game. The team is a little on the raw side, having not played together before, but I believe all the pieces are there. Speed, power, sarcasm… what more could a coach ask for?

The stands were surprisingly full. Whether they were mostly gawkers or not, I’m not sure, but Sundae Girl did a magnificent job organizing the supporters’ section. I didn’t understand all the words to some of the songs, so she can fill us in on that later. It was a very unexpected, but pleasant surprise, when LJ stumbled in half drunk wearing Elton John sunglasses and a straw hat, right before the whistle. He was escorted by the ever lovely Jinx and Ducksnuts. There was a rumor that Razzmatazz was going to make an appearance but I didn’t see her.

Anyway, 12:05 came and it was off to the races. The DD’s started right in attacking from the opening moments. Our team looked tentative as everyone tried to settle in and work together. To be honest I was a little concerned with HLJ’s insistence he didn’t need shoes and Merc’s preoccupation with Dani’s ass. But after a few minutes our team stretched out and began to show promise. The DD’s were passing nicely and pushed down our left. Somehow they got around Classic but fortunately Wolf rushed up to clear the ball. Unfortunately, there was a bit of a tussle and the DD’s forward was cleared nearly as far as the ball. So the first real threat of the game came as the DD’s had a free kick from just outside and to the left of the box. Bruce did an excellent job of screaming and yelling for a wall to be formed. The set up looked good but the DD forward really smashed it. It hit Merc, who was standing in the wall, and deflected to UT who was just about to clear it when out of nowhere HLJ ran up yelling “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!”. Unfortunately UT was in full swing and couldn’t stop it and HLJ wasn’t stopping. When they collided the ball came off HLJ and fell into the net just out of Bruce’s reach. Goal. Own goal, in fact. Not exactly the start we wanted for our season, but oh well.

After Bruce screamed at the players for the mistake and UT’s color returned to normal we lined everyone up and got back to it. Sleeve made a nice little back pass to Merc who slid it outside to Dani. She cut in and switched it to the right where Ratter was wide open. Rat blasted it straight at the keeper who deflected it back into Merc’s path. GOAL!!! Everyone was jumping up and down with excitement, we had actually scored our first goal! Merc, bless his heart, was so excited that he was running over to the bleachers to cheer with SG and Elspode when to our horror he was distracted by the DD’s little DD left winger. He was so busy staring at her that he didn’t even see the DD mascot, Decimal Dildo, until it was too late. They collided with a resounding thump and down they went. The mascot was ok, but Merc got up mumbling something about restarting his engine. He was out.

I asked Clodfobble to go in for him, but she refused to play anything but keeper. I asked Bruce to move up but he pouted and said that he brought his new gloves for the game so he was staying in the goal for at least the first half. I Couldn’t argue with that logic, really. So without much choice, I coaxed UT up to forward, Sleeve into Right Back, moved Classic into center mid and I took over Left back duties.

UT looked nervous up front but he did his job well. Classic really stepped into his midfield general role quite well. He and Glatt formed a good partnership in there and started to boss the game. As one moved forward the other would drop back in support. At one point Glatt had the ball with two DD’s baring down on him so he made a neat backpass to Griff who one touched it outside to Sleeve who took two steps before booting it downfield to the sprinting Rat. She took a touch to gain control then kept dribbling straight up the wing. UT moved over into the center and Glatt moved up to form a neat triangle. Rat passed out to Glatt who lofted it right up into the box where UT shoved the defender aside before heading it home. GOAL!!! This time everyone calmly walked back to the line, very wary of the dangerous DD dildo.

After the restart HLJ slid straight into his opposite number and came away with the ball. Classic and UT sprinted down the center with the ladies moving up the wings. The DD defense looked to be completely overwhelmed, as two converged on HLJ he slid it out to Dani who crossed it straight in for UT’s second header. GOAL!!! (Or HOME RUN!!! As LJ bellowed drunkenly from the bleachers) Now it is 3-1 with two minutes left in the half. Rat slammed a nice outside shot in off the post after cutting in around their left back. GOAL!!! 4-1 going into the break.

SG came down holding a big bag of oranges and slapping Elpode’s hand and telling him “not now”. Clodfobble was ready to play but only as a keeper. Bruce refused to play in tandem with anyone else so I was forced to change the structure. We moved to a 4-5-1 set up with Bruce as the sole forward and UT floating behind him. HLJ was looking tired so he moved to Left Back and I resumed my spot on the sidelines. We had a bit of trouble as Dani tried to organize a union on the sideline insisting that a 4-1 scoreline was unjust and asking if we couldn’t just add all the points together and then distribute them as needed. The rest of us shouted “NO!” and then it was back to the game.

I think the shine had come off the game a bit for the DD’s because they started playing a bit more cynically. There were a few harsh challenges but our team held up well. Bruce scored one, but it was disallowed due to an offside call. He argued with the ref about stupid foreign rules and was warned with a yellow card. Soon after the other team pulled back a goal from a blinder of an outside shot, bringing the score to 4-2. The DD’s got a little pep back after that and charged hard. One of their midfielders took Griff down pretty hard in the box, but there was no call given. Just a few minutes later it happened again. Griff seemed to take it in stride but Wolf was less than pleased I think. As the midfielder ran by her, Wolf stuck her elbow out and took him clean off his feet. If that wasn’t enough to earn a PK, holding her finger out to him and shouting “Bang!” certainly was. Poor Clodfobble couldn’t have stopped the penalty shot if her life depended on it. 4-3 with eight minutes left.
The DD’s really came on strong after that. It was a very tense ending to the game. Griff charged forward and nearly scored only to be denied by the goalpost. Rat and Dani had a nice series of switches but we couldn’t capitalize on it because Bruce was up front on his own. I’m hoping he’ll learn to work with his team a bit better from this but I’m not sure. He was demanding more money if I expected him to run. UT had settled back and was playing some excellent holdup play but the team looked tired. Sleeve did make one excellent run up the right side in support of the attack only to be scythed down under a questionable tackle.

All said and done I am extremely pleased. For our first game things came together quite well. We have some things to work on but that is what practice is for. I think some work needs to be done with the support as well. They were very boisterous in their first half singing but I noticed it kind of died off at the end. Last I looked, LJ was holding the bag of oranges in one hand and slugging a 40 with the other. It appears that Elspode was quite distraught at his failure to convince Jinx and Ducksnuts that a wet tshirt contest was in order, so SG took him behind the bleachers for some sympathy.

Well done, team. Hit the showers, get some ice on the muscles. Tomorrow is another day.