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She sounds like a levelheaded person. and I am very hesitant to tell anyone to ignore gut level discomfort. I think it is an essential survival tool. Those signals are real and my advice is to listen and to stay tuned. You need to trust the people you place around your kids and she doesnt, I would guess the reasons are more than general porn discovery, even if they are still a bit unclear.
When to act and what to do, is hard to say without more info.
But given any scenario, it really comes down to risking the relationship or risking her kids. I would imagine she would rather appologize to him for her misjudgement than appologize to an abused daughter for her hesitancy.
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