Maybe it is you Clouder, that should try it, using all safety measures. Conquer your fears.
Go buy a sparkler pack. Have a
new experience with this. You might find the sparkler to be quite lovely, or a trivial piece of crap.
There
is a reason why people like them.
Your experience sounds very painful. I would hate for you to live with that forever. Some of your concerns are valid. But I would hate for you to miss something because of a painful and traumatizing experience.