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Your stepdaughter has experienced the unthinkable. It is extremely traumatic to have a loved one (especially a parent) murdered. But to have witnessed it and to have been victimized at the same time is unimaginable! I am guessing that, whether she realizes it or not, or can talk about it or not - she is still suffering from all of it. I will try to get the name of the website that I was reading - a psychiatrist who has specialized for many years in "why people steal" relates his experiences and the results of his research. It's fascinating and it makes sense to me. For what it's worth, I think you are handling the situation with sensitivity - being the stepparent puts you in a difficult spot. I don't think you are ignoring the situation and you are trying to get information and advice from people who have been through it. I definitely think your stepdaughter could use counseling/therapy, but I would stay involved. Although she has done something that is very serious with serious consequences, I would not let anyone "shame" her or "humiliate her". That only makes the problem worse. I am going to see if I can find the name of that book -I'll let you know what it is. Please don't get discouraged by people who give you "cliche" advice - she doesn't have enough chores, kids today are entitled, etc. In some cases, it may be true. But, I think your stepdaughter deserves so much more. You sound like an awesome stepmom to me. By the way, I thought that mother who had her son hold the sign denouncing his father in public, was a really sad example of a parent. Again, good luck to you as you deal with your stepdaughter - I think she is a very lucky girl to have you in her life.
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