[Trilby]

look, cicero, I'm sorry if I misled you. I am sorry if you think I really am the whore I describe in the story. it wasn't fair to you to not let you all in on what I am feeling with this: my ex (who was nothing but a good looking loser) got into college on an essay I WROTE and became successful while I became crazy and alcoholic. (I met him in rehab. HE WAS ONE OF MY COUSELORS----so, there's THAT) anyway----as I became more and more unhinged he became a demi-god of childrearing and my kid is now what he is (for better or worse) b/c of the ex-hub---who pushed, and pushed and PUSHED that kid. so. I'm sad because I wasn't there for a LOT of things that a mother wants to be there for....and I, in my limping, childish, hateful, way try to make up for it by writing a stupid something.

I miss my kid, Cicero. I miss my baby and I'll never get those moments,when I should have been there, b ack.

so. that's the fucking story of the story. to try to make me feel better.

now, i only feel worse.