Flint -- I don't have a whole lot to add here to what everyone else has said, but the one question I have is how old are you? If you're "relatively" young, say 20-30, it's not too questionable to have periods of non-traditional employment in your chronology. If you're 50+ and have decades without a steady job, well, that's different.
I do like the idea of a functional resume for your situation.
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per·son \ˈpər-sən\ (noun) - an ephemeral collection of small, irrational decisions
The fun thing about evolution (and science in general) is that it happens whether you believe in it or not.
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