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Ye just got dealt a shit card, Bri, and you're a good enough player to play it out of your hand. Get a grip, hon, seriously, ain't no room for self blame on this. That would be appropriate if you'd jumped fully-clothed into a cold lake and were now pissed that the pneumonia was hanging around too long.
Recognise that this is just you beating up on yourself, looking for stuff to attach blame to. I usually smile to myself when I find myself doing it. A 'Caught m'self in the act' again kind of a smile. Thing is...in your case, I reckon it might be easier, more comfortable to focus that blame and scrutiny on yourself than on some almost indefinable thing that's being done to you, such as radiation. Just...keep a bit of yourself aware that's what you're doing, it helps limit the damage :P
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