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Undertoad · 06-03-2003, 10:46 PM

My father died when I was three, and I was raised alone by my single mother from that age.

During my childhood I was exposed to several gay teachers (although nobody knew it at the time). A very good friend of mine from age 9-11 wound up gay. And I was involved in the theatre when I was in college.

Despite all this, I wound up heterosexual.

Yes, I'm not sure what went wrong. Maybe my momma wasn't feminine enough, or didn't make me out to be feminine enough. On the other hand, she didn't let me play with toy guns. So I dunno.

However, being involved in the theatre in college meant that I watched as others -- by my estimate, 50% -- slowly came out.

When I was a senior, in fact, I said to incoming freshman buddy Joe, who was also getting into the theatre crowd: "Joe, you won't believe me now, but before you graduate, half of your friends are going to turn up gay." (Joe was a confirmed het.) Four years later, he told me that to his amazement my prediction had come true.

So, having watched the species up close, having identified it early, I can't possibly imagine it being a choice in the gay people I've known. It's something deeply rooted within them, just as deep as the heterosexuality is in us hets. It might be genetic, or it might be a switch that gets set very early in life. Its persistence through different cultures, regardless of the public attitudes, kinda suggests that it's genetic.

I can imagine what it might be like for David. I try to imagine forcing myself to have lust for someone that I'm not attracted to. I imagine what it would be like if all of society told me I should have that desire. I might behave like I was expected to behave, to see if the desire might follow. The result would be very much like that: I'd try every few months, and if it wasn't happening maybe I'd come up with other excuses for why. Actual sex is that final expression of desire, and it's the part that's hard to fake.

06-03-2003, 10:46 PM	#3
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	My father died when I was three, and I was raised alone by my single mother from that age. During my childhood I was exposed to several gay teachers (although nobody knew it at the time). A very good friend of mine from age 9-11 wound up gay. And I was involved in the theatre when I was in college. Despite all this, I wound up heterosexual. Yes, I'm not sure what went wrong. Maybe my momma wasn't feminine enough, or didn't make me out to be feminine enough. On the other hand, she didn't let me play with toy guns. So I dunno. However, being involved in the theatre in college meant that I watched as others -- by my estimate, 50% -- slowly came out. When I was a senior, in fact, I said to incoming freshman buddy Joe, who was also getting into the theatre crowd: "Joe, you won't believe me now, but before you graduate, half of your friends are going to turn up gay." (Joe was a confirmed het.) Four years later, he told me that to his amazement my prediction had come true. So, having watched the species up close, having identified it early, I can't possibly imagine it being a choice in the gay people I've known. It's something deeply rooted within them, just as deep as the heterosexuality is in us hets. It might be genetic, or it might be a switch that gets set very early in life. Its persistence through different cultures, regardless of the public attitudes, kinda suggests that it's genetic. I can imagine what it might be like for David. I try to imagine forcing myself to have lust for someone that I'm not attracted to. I imagine what it would be like if all of society told me I should have that desire. I might behave like I was expected to behave, to see if the desire might follow. The result would be very much like that: I'd try every few months, and if it wasn't happening maybe I'd come up with other excuses for why. Actual sex is that final expression of desire, and it's the part that's hard to fake.