Choice Just Got Harder
OK, Obama’s all about hope, and Hillary’s all about experience. I’ve got that. But Obama’s got a crazy pastor. And Hillary just lied about her war record. Now, it turns out, Obama’s related to Brad Pitt, and Hillary’s related to Angelina Jolie.
Make the Olsons their love twins and you’ve got a supermarket tabloid cover. Hill’s also related to Madonna and Celine Dion and Alanis Morrisette, because she’s part French-Canadian. Hey, I thought you can’t be president unless you’re American. What’s with that? And what kind of name is “Alanis” anyway? Or “Celine” and “Madonna,” for that matter. Must run in the family. That explains “Chelsea.” But Obama’s related to both George Bushes and Dick Cheney. That can’t be good. And Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S. Truman, James Madison, Winston Churchill and Robert E. Lee. Starts to sound like Obama’s got the experience thing after all, sitting around that dinner table. All Hill did was marry a president. The New England Historic Genealogy Society forgot to mention Obama’s also related to some supposedly genocidal wackjob in Kenya, but who cares, because judging by recent history, just about everyone who’s anyone in Africa is related to some genocidal wackjob. The point is, this is turning into a really difficult race. I don’t know how people are supposed to make up their minds.
Another pressing question: Who will this tired old geezer who’s been playing the same song with different titles since 1978 endorse? Adoring fans hang on for the endorsement of the eminence grease.
Gotta decide, gotta decide. The Hero of Tuzla or the United Trinity Crackpot churchgoer? When will the bleeding stop? Sage physicians weigh in: Bleed the patient. Leeches and scalpel, please!
Meanwhile, what’s with this other old geezer who just acts normal?
If you want to escape all of this, there’s only one place to go. The North Pole. With gin and tonics.
http://www.julescrittenden.com/2008/...st-got-harder/