The Cellar - View Single Post

Undertoad · 03-21-2008, 11:40 AM

5

This one guy sold his land and only gave us part of the money for it. And Peter found out about it, YELLED at him and the guy DIED RIGHT THERE!

Three hours later his wife comes in, not knowing what happened; and Peter's all like, you knew about this didn't you? You sold it for 5000 and you only gave us 2500. You were part of it! Well look, under the curtain, there's your husband's feet, he's fucking DEAD!

And whaddya know, SHE died right then and there as well!

Well! Once people heard about that, they were all like, we're with you people, you got some mad mojo going on. We are WITH you and, uh by the way, we heard about that 44-year-old dude you fixed; can you fix my gramma as well? Sure enough they brought all their sick and lame people around and just by being NEAR Peter, every single one of them was completely fixed.

As you might think, the opposition was getting pretty ticked off at this point, and they came and took the Executive Board off to jail. Of course that wasn't going anywhere... in the middle of the night an angel was sent to open the prison door and everybody just walked right out. The prison guards said, "Uh we didn't see anything and we were right here by the doors all night, but somehow they got out."

So the Jew opposition got their cops and went to Peter's temple; and they were all like, didn't we make a LAW that you guys weren't supposed to teach people about this Jesus guy? And Peter said, "Laws pfft, we answer to God's law not yours."

The cops talked amongst themselves: what a hassle! Should we just kill these assholes?

But one of the top Jew lawyers pointed out that, in the past, other groups got together under their own crazy belief systems, and eventually it didn't work out for them and they died, so it's no big deal that these assholes have this system.

So instead of killing them, the cops just beat the shit out of the Executive Board and told them to stop converting people. And even though the Board was all totally jazzed that they got beat up for Jesus, they quit the converting non-believers for a while.

03-21-2008, 11:40 AM	#13
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	5 This one guy sold his land and only gave us part of the money for it. And Peter found out about it, YELLED at him and the guy DIED RIGHT THERE! Three hours later his wife comes in, not knowing what happened; and Peter's all like, you knew about this didn't you? You sold it for 5000 and you only gave us 2500. You were part of it! Well look, under the curtain, there's your husband's feet, he's fucking DEAD! And whaddya know, SHE died right then and there as well! Well! Once people heard about that, they were all like, we're with you people, you got some mad mojo going on. We are WITH you and, uh by the way, we heard about that 44-year-old dude you fixed; can you fix my gramma as well? Sure enough they brought all their sick and lame people around and just by being NEAR Peter, every single one of them was completely fixed. As you might think, the opposition was getting pretty ticked off at this point, and they came and took the Executive Board off to jail. Of course that wasn't going anywhere... in the middle of the night an angel was sent to open the prison door and everybody just walked right out. The prison guards said, "Uh we didn't see anything and we were right here by the doors all night, but somehow they got out." So the Jew opposition got their cops and went to Peter's temple; and they were all like, didn't we make a LAW that you guys weren't supposed to teach people about this Jesus guy? And Peter said, "Laws pfft, we answer to God's law not yours." The cops talked amongst themselves: what a hassle! Should we just kill these assholes? But one of the top Jew lawyers pointed out that, in the past, other groups got together under their own crazy belief systems, and eventually it didn't work out for them and they died, so it's no big deal that these assholes have this system. So instead of killing them, the cops just beat the shit out of the Executive Board and told them to stop converting people. And even though the Board was all totally jazzed that they got beat up for Jesus, they quit the converting non-believers for a while.