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Undertoad · 03-21-2008, 11:37 AM

Acts 1-9 - Toad's Notes

(as stated by the author of Acts)

1

OK, I wanted to jot down everything Jesus was saying and doing, until he climbed aboard the big elevator to the sky.

Remember, when we last checked in, dude was a Holy Ghost, they killed the guy and he came back, his business wasn't done; and he told us we shouldn't leave Jerusalem, but wait for his dad to make it obvious that we're, like, the special ones in His Kingdom.

So we asked him about making Israel the Top Place in the world, and he explained that this was up to his Dad, but that we'd get great power just by being the ones who believed in him.

And that was it; up the elevator he went.

2

So we went back to Jerusalem, about a hundred of us, and prayed until Peter took the lead. He explained that look, Judas was our main bad guy; that asshole took our church money and turned in our savior and then used the money to buy land; and then when he was walking on that land he fell and impaled himself and... his guts fell out!

So that's the field of blood now, and nobody should live there. But the rest of us, we should get our board members together... let's see, our top man took the elevator to heaven, and we all know what happened to Judas; let's pick two more guys to sit on our Executive Board.

Now having gotten our shit together, all of a sudden we were all speaking in tongues, cos the spirit got into us. All the other people around were like, WTF is this? These idiots are drunk! But Peter yelled at them, drunk? It's only 10 in the morning! These are the END DAYS and we are CHOSEN, that's why we can suddenly understand this new language. A lot of shit is gonna go down and we are the top people. In fact God said we can just sit around and he'll make our enemies into OTTOMANS.

It's awesome what we have, just getting all this power because we believed that Jesus was The Man and came back around as a Holy Ghost, so now we should go around and try to convince everyone else how great it is.

And so we did, and we got pretty good at it, we got 3000 people to believe, and we set up a cool commune where everybody lived in a kind of happy socialism, and the whole thing continued to grow.

03-21-2008, 11:37 AM	#11
Undertoad Radical Centrist Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Cottage of Prussia Posts: 31,423	Acts 1-9 - Toad's Notes (as stated by the author of Acts) 1 OK, I wanted to jot down everything Jesus was saying and doing, until he climbed aboard the big elevator to the sky. Remember, when we last checked in, dude was a Holy Ghost, they killed the guy and he came back, his business wasn't done; and he told us we shouldn't leave Jerusalem, but wait for his dad to make it obvious that we're, like, the special ones in His Kingdom. So we asked him about making Israel the Top Place in the world, and he explained that this was up to his Dad, but that we'd get great power just by being the ones who believed in him. And that was it; up the elevator he went. 2 So we went back to Jerusalem, about a hundred of us, and prayed until Peter took the lead. He explained that look, Judas was our main bad guy; that asshole took our church money and turned in our savior and then used the money to buy land; and then when he was walking on that land he fell and impaled himself and... his guts fell out! So that's the field of blood now, and nobody should live there. But the rest of us, we should get our board members together... let's see, our top man took the elevator to heaven, and we all know what happened to Judas; let's pick two more guys to sit on our Executive Board. Now having gotten our shit together, all of a sudden we were all speaking in tongues, cos the spirit got into us. All the other people around were like, WTF is this? These idiots are drunk! But Peter yelled at them, drunk? It's only 10 in the morning! These are the END DAYS and we are CHOSEN, that's why we can suddenly understand this new language. A lot of shit is gonna go down and we are the top people. In fact God said we can just sit around and he'll make our enemies into OTTOMANS. It's awesome what we have, just getting all this power because we believed that Jesus was The Man and came back around as a Holy Ghost, so now we should go around and try to convince everyone else how great it is. And so we did, and we got pretty good at it, we got 3000 people to believe, and we set up a cool commune where everybody lived in a kind of happy socialism, and the whole thing continued to grow.