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Atlanta, May 2006: CDC researchers have determined that when babies are subjected to immense, body-wide pain for a period of 5 straight minutes, they develop a basic immunity to pain through their lives, a sort of "toughness innoculation" that reduces lifetime pain by 80% for most. Initial research shows they have no memory of the event if it is not accompanied by other trauma.
Wash. DC, June 2006: The AMA is instructing doctors on how best induce torturous pain in infants whilst putting them in an otherwise neutral setting. Directly contacting the nerves in each of the four limbs with electricity would produce enough pain to gain the desired result. "At first, I hated the idea that I had to be the one to push the button to place this baby in terrible pain -- even if we've perfected how to do that without risking her life," said head physician Dr. Toad. "But now, I get tremendous pleasure in pressing that button, knowing I'm guaranteeing her a better life."
Just a little thought experiment
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