[Cicero]

I understand that BigV....but I know for a fact that he is sexually motivated and still you know..... Just umm...not with me.

I knew I would sound like an asshole for having a husband that has something wrong with his neck and I still insist on sexual satisfaction. But if we are really going to talk about this embarassing stuff that I brought up and shouldn't finish the thought on: he does it with himself by his self all the time and does not touch me. Not only that.....he's been pointing out that fact. I'm not sure why in the hell he's doing that either but ok. He is not depressed or have a lack of sexual desire. Which is why I tried to dress up and be overtly attractive for him in the first place...you know over and over again. I thought well- maybe he's doing it by himself all the time because I haven't been saucy. Then like an idiot....I dress up again and get left on the couch. This is just so pathetic. I have to quit doing that.
I wasn't trying to say he has a lack of sexual desire. Because he doesn't.

Jester is actually right on target. He does act like it's not a big deal either way. It's as if he is trying to point out that I am not attractive. But I know I am. Sometimes I feel humiliated and don't feel attractive....but I know I am. He is pulling a head game and using sex to do it. How long can this go on? It's not recent or a symptom of a health issue...he is doing it intentionally. Why would he pick sex as a controlling mechanism? Why does he feel like his wife is a slut for having sex with him? Because you know, this is what he's starting to sound like and act like.
Nice outfit....whatever....slut. Are people higher minded that jack off and refuse and ignore the sexual advances of their wives? Ok I don't get why. I'll admit it. If I knew why he kept doing this the problem would be solved by now. I keep forgetting and then remembering why I should stop doing that after I wake up shivering and crying.

You know.....I can't believe I just broadcasted all that to everyone over the internet....but it's sticking.

My momma never said there would be days like this.