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I don't mean to be disrespectful, or dense, but I really don't understand what you're going on about? I get the words, but... :shakes head: I don't understand the changes stuff you described. Are you willing to try to explain it again?
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OKay. When my ex and I first met, some of the things I loved about him were: his intensity, his passion, his mercurial changeability, his laugh, the fact that he didn't care what other people thought, his laugh.
When I fell out of love with him, when the relationship was on the rocks and we were still living together, some of the things that drove me mad about him were: his intensity, his temper (note, this no longer looked like passion to me), his unpredictability, his inability to tailor his actions/attitude to the company we were in, thereby embarrassing the fuck out of me on a regular basis, his laugh.
At the same time, J, was beginning to be annoyed by things he used to like in me.
He had not changed utterly. He had grown-up a little and so had I, and the things that had been the basis of much of my attraction to him, after 12 years had become the things that most annoyed me and vice versa.
Talking to my friend D a few days ago about his divorce, he said "The things that first attract us, later repel: she hates me, man. She hates everything about me. The way I walk, the way I laugh, my sense of humour, my mannerisms. All the stuff that she used to like."
Now, I am not suggesting that she hates you. D's divorce was a fairly extreme case (my own opinion is his ex-wife's a full blown mentalist, but that's just my opinion and as his friend I am biased), but it illustrates a common phenomenon. My ex and I, by the way, are very good friends and I love him dearly. My other friend is now with him and deeply in love...many of the same things I found attractive in J, she is now drawn to 17 years later. I didn't fall out of love because I didn't like those character traits and mannerisms: I fell out of love
therefore I no longer liked those traits and mannerisms.
I think my point is, that just because she tells you the things that drive her mad (e.g the lack of emotional honesty/communication I think you mentioned at one stage) are the problem...they may not be. The problem from her perspective may not be those things, they may just be a manifestation of a change in the state of her feelings for you. If that's the case, then 'fixing' those things in yourself would not provide a solution.
You'e the only one here that really knows the situation Deuce. All I can do is read what you post, apply it to my own experience of the world and offer advice and insights if I feel I am able. Your situation may not fit that experience of the world, or it may. You're the only one who knows.