You say you love your wife, but do you respect her? She has clearly stated what she wants (and doesn't want), but are you accepting that?
She is not half of you...she is her own person, with her own feelings, needs, desires, and choices to make. Love allows the other person to be free to go their own way, even if it hurts like all hell and honors their stated wishes, even if it rips your own heart out.
Self-esteem draws the line at continuing to give one's all when that is becoming destructive to one's wellbeing. When you feel like you cannot live without her, then you have possibly become overinvested in her and unhealthily enmeshed. Often, when that happens, the person who has done so becomes controlling and obsessive over their partner (although I do not know if that is true in your marriage).
If someone really loves, honors and respects another, they will not continue to argue a point clearly stated, call against their wishes, write them, and/or invade their world without an express invitation.
If your wife went to the trouble to get an RO, then she obviously has issues with your form of contact with her. Is it not possible to step back and allow her the space that she apparently so desparately desires?
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"Approximately sixty-nine percent of all relationship conflicts never will be resolved. It is more important not to hurt the other person instead of finding out who is right or wrong."
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Your relationship with your son is completely separate from the one with your wife. It is the one that you can affect at this point. Why not concentrate your energies on strengthening that relationship and doing what is necessary to preserve your spot in his life (visitation, contact arrangements, etc.)?
I do not believe that the greatest gift you can give your son is to love his mother, I believe the greatest gift you can give your son is to love
him. Period. A steadfast, solid love that never waivers and is not dependant upon your relationship with his mother is much more important to a child than anything else. In fact, parent's relationships with each other should be kept totally OUT of their relationship with their children. Kids need to know that their mother and father love them even if/when the marriage breaks up and that they are not involved in that whatsoever.
Get an attorney, make unshakeable visitation arrangements and let time heal the wounds. When emotions have cooled down and the shock has worn off, there will be plenty of time to analyse, dissect and discuss what happened. Sometimes there is no understanding possible, one must simply accept the situation and make the best of it.
Time and space will usually bring clarity.