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Anonymous, you say that a year ago you warned your s.o. that if you ever laid hands on her, she should be through with you. Have you been abusive before?
It's good that you recognize what's happening. It's bad that you're now rationalizing and wanting her to stay despite two instances of physical abuse. You know, and everyone here who's been in an abusive situation knows, that pushing and grabbing (hard enough to shake) are physical abuse. You know it's serious.
It's time to follow through and get help, without your s.o. If you can seek help and change your ways, not to hold onto her but because it's imperative to change these behaviors in yourself, then there may be some basis on which to approach her again. Good luck with it.
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