Quote:
|
Originally Posted by rkzenrage
I do not steal his toys, I only keep him from playing with them until the next day, and that is a last resort... usually we use a time-out until he is calm and our conversations are very loving.
|
Yes, ideally all punishments would be a last resort, and bookended before and after with loving discussions and explanations of right and wrong. There is an appropriate and inappropriate way to administer all punishments.
But you didn't answer the question. If using spanking as a punishment by definition teaches that child that hitting will solve their problems, then doesn't taking away their toys by definition teach the child that taking other people's things (even temporarily) will solve their problems?
Or is it possible that both can be experienced by the child for what they are, a specific punishment, handed down from adult to child, as a consequence of a specific behavior, without any extra emotional baggage?
[begin tangential rant]The most irritating thing in the world is listening to people who have only one child telling others how to parent. Those with no children are commonly railed against for offering their two cents, but to a certain degree even they know that it might be different were they really in the parents' shoes. But the parent with one child thinks they have it all figured out, that because they know how to parent their child, they have the whole of parenting mastered. The minute you have a second child, you realize that
every single child is different, even ones who share both genes and environment, and
nothing can be the end-all solution for every child.
We have a child, for example, whom we have never spanked--because he asks for it. I mean that quite literally, when he is in trouble he
requests a spanking in lieu of other punishments. This is a child who has always been stoic, even as a toddler if he fell he would blink back tears and insist that he was "fine" even though he was limping. Obviously spanking would not be an effective punishment with him, so we never have--but the fact remains that if he would prefer it, can it really be said that it would emotionally scar him more than it does when we have to take away his beloved (and I mean
beloved) trucks? Meanwhile, in another thread on this topic, lookout123 shared the story of his three-year-old, whose inappropriate behavior led to the typical punishment of his favorite toy being taken away. His son calmly went into his room, and began bringing all of his toys out one by one and laying them at his parents' feet. "You can take all of these too, because I'm going to keep doing it."
Each child responds to different punishments, but almost all young children require some punishment at some time. The brain goes through distinct levels of maturity with regard to morality, and a two-year-old simply does not understand the concept of empathy or right and wrong yet. Ultimately, the goal would be that by the age of 5 or so, they understand the idea of doing things simply because they are right, and for the most part no longer require punishing. But prior to that age, each child has their own completely unique way of interpreting and responding to the world around them, and being a successful parent to one doesn't mean jack squat about how well one would do with a different kid. [/end rant]