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xoxoxoBruce · 07-20-2007, 05:50 AM

Human nature being what it is, females will always have more opportunities than males, given equal exposure. That grows by at least an order of magnitude with attractive females. Maintaining an equal balance, in a poly situation, requires an active, hands on(no pun), approach.

If the male is a more laid back type, then aggressive pursuit becomes work, and lack of it creates imbalance.... catch 22.

If the female has to curb her enthusiasm to maintain balance, rather than enjoying spontaneity, it becomes work.... catch 22.

So given the myriad of possible personality combinations possible in one couple and the variety of changing circumstances they'll likely find themselves in, parity is impossible.

Having established the chance of parity is slim to none, a successful poly relationship depends entirely on attitudes and feelings.
Is it really what you want... or are you trying to convince yourself it's what you should want, because it's what your partner wants?
What happens if one partner reaches the point where they say, it seemed like a good idea at the time?

Seems to me, if it's the pursuit of validation of oneself as desirable, than flirting and sexual tension should suffice.
If it's the pursuit of romance, that's always going to put the marriage/partnership at risk.
If it's the pursuit of sex, then it's just a risky hobby that could be replaced with skydiving, free climbing, or sword swallowing.

For you to just accept that her dance card will always be full while you're mowing the lawn or changing the oil in the car, takes an attitude that is so unnatural I can't comprehend it. I don't think you can either.
I suppose there will be some that accuse me of being insecure and selfish because I can't contemplate such an arrangement.

I've seen plenty of post-menopausal females that have said, I don't care what you do as long a you leave me alone and don't rub my nose in it. However, I've never seen that in males, especially ones that truly loved their partner.

I wish I had a solution, short of buying a couple of teens from the Far East, but it sounds like a no win situation to me.

07-20-2007, 05:50 AM	#8
xoxoxoBruce The future is unwritten Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 71,105	Human nature being what it is, females will always have more opportunities than males, given equal exposure. That grows by at least an order of magnitude with attractive females. Maintaining an equal balance, in a poly situation, requires an active, hands on(no pun), approach. If the male is a more laid back type, then aggressive pursuit becomes work, and lack of it creates imbalance.... catch 22. If the female has to curb her enthusiasm to maintain balance, rather than enjoying spontaneity, it becomes work.... catch 22. So given the myriad of possible personality combinations possible in one couple and the variety of changing circumstances they'll likely find themselves in, parity is impossible. Having established the chance of parity is slim to none, a successful poly relationship depends entirely on attitudes and feelings. Is it really what you want... or are you trying to convince yourself it's what you should want, because it's what your partner wants? What happens if one partner reaches the point where they say, it seemed like a good idea at the time? Seems to me, if it's the pursuit of validation of oneself as desirable, than flirting and sexual tension should suffice. If it's the pursuit of romance, that's always going to put the marriage/partnership at risk. If it's the pursuit of sex, then it's just a risky hobby that could be replaced with skydiving, free climbing, or sword swallowing. For you to just accept that her dance card will always be full while you're mowing the lawn or changing the oil in the car, takes an attitude that is so unnatural I can't comprehend it. I don't think you can either. I suppose there will be some that accuse me of being insecure and selfish because I can't contemplate such an arrangement. I've seen plenty of post-menopausal females that have said, I don't care what you do as long a you leave me alone and don't rub my nose in it. However, I've never seen that in males, especially ones that truly loved their partner. I wish I had a solution, short of buying a couple of teens from the Far East, but it sounds like a no win situation to me. __________________ The descent of man ~ Nixon, Friedman, Reagan, Trump.