[Sundae]

Update on the situation.

Well, not much has really changed, except that after the session above I came home via the shop and asked for some more hours - one of my panics was the fact I was running out of money and had no way of earning any more. I'd set this up deliberately as a way of focussing my attention, but it hadn't worked and was just adding to my stress. So I have some hours over the next week, which will help keep the wolf from the door. Not the Wolf - I'd welcome her practical presence right now, and someone used to taking care of an aged patient wouldn't blink twice at my flat!

Anyway - am up early this morning because they have put scaffolding around my flat and it feels freakily like public property. [the plot of land next to mine is being redeveloped and the next door houses and factory are being demolished - been going on for 2 months now]

I was reading and dozing late yesterday morning and heard the approach of the builders. Damn - there's been no activity on the site for 4 days. I scrambled up and into clothes and realised there were two men right in my yard! I only have a voile at the window to protect my modesty, and nothing at all in the kitchen - which I have to pass through to get to the toilet/ bathroom.

So I up and left. Bought chewing gum rather than clean my teeth, used a public lavatory, then went and sat in the library. For 6 hours. In a state of extreme distress. I don't know what I thought was going to happen realistically - at the very least I thought they were taking the wall of my yard down. I just knew I felt violated and couldn't stay there.

When I got home it was a real shock to see the scaffolding. I almost started on the kitchen right there and then - but my nerves had been screaming all day and I admit I just fell asleep. When I woke up it was dark and the panic had subsided, so I watched TV and thought the best bet was to come in here early (I'm working today) and avoid the builders altogether.

So nothing practical has happened, but I am hopeful that tomorrow I can get my act together and start at least on the kitchen. Then I can stop worrying so much about people looking through the window.

Unless the builders work Sunday. Which I'm trying not to think about! If they do, expect to see me online. I might have to tack up a duvet cover over the window, maybe that will give me enough of a feeling of "hiding" to actually get started.