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No, you're mistaken.
I knew when I wrote that how awkward and understated it sounds. I'm not really capable right now of busting out and lightening things up. But I didn't want to ...
Suicide isn't an issue, thankfully, right now. But I am in so much pain. You're right, ouch isn't really the right word. I didn't want to be ... so hysterical. I'm in agony, I'm facing extraordinary, awful choices. I can't see my way through or out. I'm scared and hurt and worried and unsure.
I do not like the choices facing me.
I am searching wildly for some Kobayashi Maru alternative.
As yet, I have nothing promising, only bad and worse.
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