[Griff]

Suicidal thoughts were an almost constant companion during my teenage years. There was no rational basis for them, by almost any yardstick I had a good home-life etc... As I got to my late teens early twenties my moods began to separate a bit. I'd have a shorter more intense depression rather than what seems now to have been a constant cloud during my mid-teen years. At some point, I decided that I would never kill myself. I decided that if my life were not worth living, I'd just change lives. I doubt that approach would work for folks with deeper depression than I had, but it was good enough for me, back then. I used to savor my darker times, resisting angrily anyone trying to pull me out of it. As you might guess, it was hell on my love life, I really feel bad about the relationships that got the axe, for no apparent reason.

My wife was able to ride out my ugly times, which lead me to a deeper appreciation of her. I've made it my mission not to live a life which reinforces the dark clouds. It has gotten a lot better especially with the addition of more careful diet and exercise, and occasional reflection on my blessings.
take care,

Griff