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Deep, I appreciate your sharing your experiences. One of the most important things for folks who are depressed to do is to reach out to others. Of course, one of the bad parts of the disease is, of course, the tendency to isolate ones' self, as well as to think that there IS no out. There usually is, but the tunnel-vision that's often a part of depression doesn't allow one to see that.
My life has been touched by suicide numerous times (I'll explain that in a little bit), closely twice
My father committed suicide while I was in college. We were not actively involved in each others lives at that point ... he was in Chicago, my mother, sister, and I were here in PA, where we had moved after my parent's divorce in the early 70s.
My best friend committed suicide almost one year ago (2/28/02). This was very difficult for me. He was an older gentleman, had retired from his job (under circumstances that are usually described as "under a cloud" ... He was a psychologist and had had an 'inappropriate' relationship with a client). Really great guy, bright, interesting, full of energy. I spent a lot of the last three weeks of his life with him. We sat and talked for hours. Everyone I worked with was aware of the possibility that he would end his own life. We were watching him like a hawk. The firearms had been removed from his home (with his agreement). I was very attuned to his moods, his thoughts ... and within every contact with him I was looking for the cues that he might be depressed and even possibly suicidal.
There wasn't a single one. Neither I, nor anyone else in contact with him picked up on it. If there had been any signs or clues, I promise you we would have seen them, and acted on it.
He purchased a gun, sent me a suicide note via email, went into his basement and shot himself. The timeline reconstructed in the police investigation appeared to indicate that he probably completed the suicide no more than a few minutes after sending the email.
Since you're new here, you probably don't yet know what I do. I'm a suicide hotline counsellor and mental health commitment officer. And I'm damn good at what I do.
It was a very rough time for a very long while, but I have a lot of really wonderful people to thank for helping me through that experience. (we were all pretty shell-shocked, actually. There were no fewer than 6 mental health professionals in contact with him ... actively looking for even the smallest hint that something might be up. He fooled ALL of us.)
The timing on your posting was kind of interesting for me. I've of course been thinking of my friend a lot lately, remembering what he meant in my life, but not dwelling on his departure from it.
Good luck to you. Be well. And don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. (that goes for anyone reading this, actually).
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